The trouble with suffering through high functioning anxiety
Is believing that all your flustered feelings are your own fault
You’re less, being less productive than your expectations expect.
Further troubling is the inability to realize your own limits
As the belief that you should be limitless rests in your core
All the while nagging, reminding you of your shortcomings.
You believe you’re capable of greatness, of being extra in the
World of ordinary. What you forget is that you’re human
Riddled with flaws and imperfections that speak volumes
To who you are and what you’ve experienced and yet
You don’t accept them. You fight them off with tense lies.
You hunch your shoulders, you type faster, you fill the seconds
Of your days with to dos. Your mind is made of lists.
Lists of ways you should be better. Lists of tasks you’ve yet to do.
Lists of ways to improve. Always learning and you're never enough.
Filling your mind with should dos and musts, creating
A surreal world in which you wish to make real.
Stifle those emotions, pocket that feeling for later.
High functioning anxiety means the world views you
As a success while looking beyond the messy messed
Up real version that is you. The about to crumble into a
Lump of I can’t you. The you that is on the verge of tears
At the thought of all you’d like to accomplish while being
Smacked with realization that you have limits. You require
A routine, self care, breaks and sleep. You’re not
Perfect in a superhuman sense. You’re perfectly imperfect
And fighting your own imperfections with keeping busy.
You’re functioning, you’re on a path that’s yours.
All the while you’re shaking from fear, anxiously
Nibbling away at the core of your being. You’re stressed.
You won’t let them see you fall apart as long as
You, your hands, your lists keep you in motion.
You ignore the downtime you scheduled in your
Calendar because you’re not ready to break, down.
Keep functioning, set the bar high. Keep doing more.
Keep an everlasting list of busy to avoid thinking.
Manage your anxiety by micromanaging your managing.
Chew your lip while you poor your conscious onto
A rough draft of your blank slated brain. Be you but
Be better. Don’t be good, be your best. Be THE best.
Just keep doing, keep being High Functioning Anxiety.
