Author: ksullivan

Just Below The Surface Panic

Just Below The Surface Panic

It’s looming and crawling beneath. It’s the reason I can feel my arm hairs raise with the goosebumps as they create a braille like story of my anxiousness, tattooed by my own subconscious across my skin. It’s the just below the surface panic I feel […]

What is Interstitial Cystitis?

What is Interstitial Cystitis?

It's occurred to me that not everyone may know what Interstitial cystitis (IC) is. I’m going to ask you to imagine an experience. This experience should feel traumatic, scary and overwhelming. Delve into your imagination and envision burning, urgent discomfort. Agony bursts through to your […]

Workplace Etiquette

Workplace Etiquette

A new employee at the office sitting right next to me has me questioning office etiquette.

What makes others most comfortable?

Why am I so uncomfortable?

How can I be myself in the midst of constantly meeting someone new in the workplace?

 

I know I’m a social creature stuck in a clerical job lacking real social interaction but I can’t help wondering what others view as acceptable office etiquette. Questions rattling my head - do you greet your co workers? Saying, Goodbye? Hello? How are you? Ask questions like: How are you doing? How was your lunch? In your office environment, do you make friends?

I spent most of my time in my 20s on a mission at my job - to get paid. I worked technical support for 8 years at one company in my 20s. I’d adapted the mentality that I was at my job to work, not make friends. Somewhere along the way I’d still managed to make friends even wearing a rock hard RBF, after 8 years, people start to stick. However changing jobs I became an outsider. The girls who’d known each other for years where a clique. I was new. I tried my old routine - here to make money, not friends. But after finding lifelong friends in several of my previous coworkers I felt empty at that lack of a consistent daily support system.  

Change jobs and the mindset carried over. It took me months to open up. Why? What was I so scared of? Even a year and a half later I still obsess over whether or not I say hi. Ask them about their lives or if I continue to rock the stone cold bitch face, headphones in and loathe this experience. Am I missing out on potential friends and relationships because I’m waiting for someone else to break the ice? I feel like an extrovert stuck in an introverts obsessive anxiety.

If you see me at the office, don’t let my face be the reason you don’t talk to me (or anyone for that matter). I could be in pain, I could be in my own head, or I could be waiting for a reason to smile. Maybe all it takes is that hello from you to change my expression.

Apple out,

K. Sullivan

Psychosomatic

Psychosomatic

Psychosomatic (A Poem) Whenever I see my Physician for Diagnostic maintenance I remind her, Steadfast, I’m not interested in drugs. I only want to feel differently, better Than I presently do. Some nights I Go to bed terrified, anxious I won’t Rise for the next […]

A Day In Hell

A Day In Hell

I hear my alarm and close my eyes tightly. A stream of intense emotions hits me at once ranging from complete self loathing, disgust with my body, fear of my continued suffering experience – to guilt, despair, and shame about how useless I believe myself […]

Turn Auto Pilot Off

Turn Auto Pilot Off

Starting this New Year asking questions like...

How automatic are you in your day, in your life? How do you respond to the world around you?

What patterns do you have?

Do you compromise yourself physically with repetitive trauma, like carrying groceries in the same single hand and keys in the other every time you go to the grocery store? Or a baby on the same hip?

What about your mental habits? Where’s your head at? What are you consuming through television and social media? How often are you participating in the negative self talk conflict going on between your ears?

Are you in touch with what your body's needs? Do you listen to it when it’s asking for water, motion or rest? Are you able to determine how different foods affect your mood? What goes into your mouth out of routine, convenience and ignorance?

What words are coming out of it because of compulsion?

Where are you with your goals, your successes, your desires and your self worth going into the new year? How are you going to assess what to do to make yourself the best version of you it can be going into 2018?

You don’t have to wait until the new year to start making small changes. If you’re looking for a time to step up and start your best life ever, why not make it now?

I changed my life this last year, I completely altered my diet, I made self care an actual routine and effort. I restored my faith in myself and my abilities to prevail. I’m still really fair from where I’d like to be: healed, at peace and wise. However, I’m much further than I was when I was fighting change instead of embracing it. For me, my new year will hopefully bring further spiritual assessment, connecting with the earth and myself on a mental, physical and emotional level. I want to be my own advocate and friend more. I’d like to be kinder and less exhausted by stress and anxiety. I’m meeting myself where I’m at. Making goals lists and returning to them daily. I’m learning new discipline for study and self habits. I’m reading more and zoning out less. I’m embracing the changes coming and willingly accepting life as it unfolds each moment.

I’d recommend, you get your yourself a mind health read (or listen) on.  Authors like Brene Brown (My sister suggested her) and David Burns (my psychologist recommended), for an adventure in self discovery and emotional healing. Or take advantage of all the free resources on YouTube, Tony Robins, Les Brown, TedX speakers, free Audible options... etc. There's unlimited free resources I'm going to work harder at taking advantage of. 

Succeeding at your goals, whatever size require commitment, small changes, patience, and time. Give yourself those things and you’ll be successful. The snowball effect will help keep your momentum going.

It’s up to you to decide to improve yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Take charge of where your life is going and your body in the new year.

Get your mind right get your body right. Set your habits straight and be your best self. I believe in you.

This apple is eagerly jumping into the new year!

Apple Out 2017,

K. Sullivan

I Let It Fester, Resentment.

I Let It Fester, Resentment.

Resentment is killing me in a slow burn from the core out. It’s deeply seated in my subconscious working the gears to my thought process and decision making. Once I recognized how intimately intertwined with resentment I am, I realized I resent damn near everything […]

The Tragedy of a Desk Jockey

The Tragedy of a Desk Jockey

I’ve always wanted to be a writer, poetry specifically has always called to me with a deep well of need. I thought desk life was going to be my destiny, and this belief became more clear through my job pursuits – customer service, ad service […]

Be You Bad Apple – Work Through It

Be You Bad Apple – Work Through It

Breathe (A Poem)

Breathe 

It’s only one life

You’re living in

Time to human

Up, be your

Own best friend

Pickup your feet

Don’t let them

Drag. You’re a

Wonderful gift

To this earth

Get busy

Get moving

On your

Journey

There’s no

Time to lag.

Breathe, work

Through it

You’ve got

The strength

There’s no

Need to

Wallow in your

disposition

At length.

Believe Breathe

You’re brilliant

With perseverance

You’ll never relent

It’s your life, own

That. Believe in

Yourself don’t

Settle for content.

Reach for the

Sky Breathe.

You’ll touch

those clouds

Let go of inner

Fears and doubts.

Apple Out,

K. Sullivan

Are You Listening to Your Body’s Language?

Are You Listening to Your Body’s Language?

I'm not talking about the kind where you read other people based on what they are saying physically, I'm talking about ques your body sends you. Are you listening? If your body could talk, what would it say about your needs and lifestyle? Would your […]