Author: ksullivan

Kombucha (Part 1) – My Experience

Kombucha (Part 1) – My Experience

You see it in grocery stores and gas stations, you hear it floating around as a healthy. It’s a fermented food option to help restore good gut microbes; it’s Kombucha. My experience with making my own Kombucha: I’ve spent the past year immersed in listening […]

High Functioning Anxiety.

High Functioning Anxiety.

The trouble with suffering through high functioning anxiety Is believing that all your flustered feelings are your own fault You’re less, being less productive than your expectations expect. Further troubling is the inability to realize your own limits As the belief that you should be […]

Unavoidable Change

Unavoidable Change

Change is everything. It’s a permanent factor in our lives.

Each moment brings with it the prospect of change.

When I was first diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis, my urologist informed me, “You have a disease you’ll now have for life but you’ll manage, you won’t die from this but it will require changes in your diet and lifestyle.” My anxiety grew, I had no idea what this meant, I’d just had this woman’s camera inside my bladder.

Change, I was not willing, I was not wanting it. I was not ready. I still needed answers but what I wanted was a label that came with a cure.

As the urologist demanded I look at my own insides when I was really trying to pretend I was on a sandy white beach with warm ocean waves lapping at my feet. “Look at what you’re body’s doing,” her voice sounded almost excited at the field of hives and lesions lining my bladder. I flashed my eyes open and almost choked on a scream. Get out of my body! I was grateful the shout was in my head. I remained silent, gaping at my wounded, suffering bladder as I shed a single tear and gripped the edge of my medical bed harder.

After the scope procedure I was devastated both physically and mentally. I had a chronic disease. I was in excruciating midsection pain. I was hastily rushed out the door so she could attend to whoever was next. She was rambling quickly, “you’ll hate me, I’m going to remove everything fun out of your diet,” then handed me a list which included: spicy food, alcohol, carbonation, caffeine, and chocolate. She proceeded to guide me out the door with, “just avoid these foods, start taking aloe vera from Desert Harvest with a regiment of low dose antibiotics and your symptoms will feel much better but this will be your new life.” This was it. All the advice and support I received in understanding my new disease.

I was not ready to change my diet, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just eat food and be fine. I was resentful to everyone around me who wasn’t being told their body was not able to process overly processed foods without consequences.

At this point I had only two options I could see. First option is quit and allow myself to collapse, to become a victim or to give up. What would giving up really mean? The second option was to change and become my own advocate. I chose option two, I began to research my disease. I found other urologists and opinions. I remained firm in my, “I’ll pursue the natural healing means,” mindset. I believed, I listened, I did as I was told so I spent 6 months on low grade antibiotics and was told the intent was to stun the bacteria so it’d fall right out of my body. I never thought to ask, what about the good bacteria? At this point my education, my knowledge didn’t realize there was a host of health bacteria my gut needed to function. I listened to my doctor. I believed.

Had I not listened to my body, my gut, my intuition? Had I avoided truths I’d been speculating long like gluten allergies?

Yes. I knew my mother was recently diagnosed gluten sensitivity and it was negative effecting her ulcerative colitis. She’s removed anything processed, grains, and had to learn how to manage what her body was able to handle. I quickly saw myself having to travel down a similar path.

I was resolved in my belief I needed professional help to navigate a natural healing journey. Working with a urologist supportive of diet and lifestyle changes, my primary care physician as an anchor for understanding my continued health, a naturopath and nutritionist as the source of knowledge on natural healing and testing. Through the use of these specialists, I’ve been able to learn how to navigate the sensitivities my body’s reacting too. I’m working with a low oxalate low acid autoimmune paleo diet for healing at present and getting here was the hardest challenge and change I’ve faced to date. However I’ve made progress on my healing journey because of my eventual willingness to try something different. Removing Gluten, Soy, Dairy where huge steps for me and changed my urgency. I can actually sleep through the night after 2 years of working with these professionals.

Sometimes I still feel pains of jealousy over the changes in my life I view as unavoidable. I’ve had to replace nights out with nights in to heal with my new tools. I actively practice body rolling and Rossiter techniques to keep entire body pain to a minimum. I haven’t used IBUprofen or Tylenol in years. I have educated myself on the magic of essential oils and living a cleaner, more sustainable life.

I still cringe at the thought of another change, but with practice and time I’m reminding myself that any life change whether unavoidable or chosen, is another adventure in discovering the inner workings of this human body experience.

I no longer see change as something I must overcome but more like the universe planting a finger in my path and setting it straight. Had I not received this diagnosis and changed my diet I’d have never lost the extra 100 lbs of personal weight I gained through horrible lifestyle choices through college. Had desk life not caused excruciating pain in my wrists and tension headaches I’d have never found the Rossiter System and changed careers to pursue a path of helping others.

There’s two sides to every coin, two angles to each challenge. Change brings with it consequences that will affect a life? How will you view this change? With a positive twist and acceptance? Or anger and resentment? Each perspective has real consequences on your body, your mind and how you move forward. Accept change as a inevitability of life, embrace the uncomfortable feelings surround it and allow it to help you become your best self.

 

Apple Out,

K. Sullivan

Just Below The Surface Panic

Just Below The Surface Panic

It’s the reason I can feel my arm hairs raise with the goosebumps as they create a braille like story of my anxiousness, tattooed by my own subconscious across my skin. It’s the just below the surface panic I feel in silent moments, or loud […]

What is Interstitial Cystitis?

What is Interstitial Cystitis?

I’m going to ask you to imagine an experience. This experience should feel traumatic, scary and overwhelming. Delve into your imagination and envision burning, urgent discomfort. Agony bursts through to your brain’s pain center, telling you there’s knives slicing up your midsection. Your most intimate […]

Workplace Etiquette

Workplace Etiquette

A new employee at the office sitting right next to me has me questioning office etiquette.

What makes others most comfortable?

Why am I so uncomfortable?

How can I be myself in the midst of constantly meeting someone new in the workplace?

 

I know I’m a social creature stuck in a clerical job lacking real social interaction but I can’t help wondering what others view as acceptable office etiquette. Questions rattling my head - do you greet your co workers? Saying, Goodbye? Hello? How are you? Ask questions like: How are you doing? How was your lunch? In your office environment, do you make friends?

I spent most of my time in my 20s on a mission at my job - to get paid. I worked technical support for 8 years at one company in my 20s. I’d adapted the mentality that I was at my job to work, not make friends. Somewhere along the way I’d still managed to make friends even wearing a rock hard RBF, after 8 years, people start to stick. However changing jobs I became an outsider. The girls who’d known each other for years where a clique. I was new. I tried my old routine - here to make money, not friends. But after finding lifelong friends in several of my previous coworkers I felt empty at that lack of a consistent daily support system.  

Change jobs and the mindset carried over. It took me months to open up. Why? What was I so scared of? Even a year and a half later I still obsess over whether or not I say hi. Ask them about their lives or if I continue to rock the stone cold bitch face, headphones in and loathe this experience. Am I missing out on potential friends and relationships because I’m waiting for someone else to break the ice? I feel like an extrovert stuck in an introverts obsessive anxiety.

If you see me at the office, don’t let my face be the reason you don’t talk to me (or anyone for that matter). I could be in pain, I could be in my own head, or I could be waiting for a reason to smile. Maybe all it takes is that hello from you to change my expression.

Apple out,

K. Sullivan

Psychosomatic

Psychosomatic

Whenever I see my Physician for Diagnostic maintenance I remind her, Steadfast, I’m not interested in drugs. I only want to feel differently, better Than I presently do. Some nights I Go to bed terrified, anxious I won’t Rise for the next day. When I […]

A Day In Hell

A Day In Hell

A stream of intense emotions hits me at once ranging from complete self loathing, disgust with my body, fear of my continued suffering experience – to guilt, despair, and shame about how useless I believe myself to be. Some mornings I wake up with blinding […]

Turn Auto Pilot Off

Turn Auto Pilot Off

Starting this New Year asking questions like...

How automatic are you in your day, in your life? How do you respond to the world around you?

What patterns do you have?

Do you compromise yourself physically with repetitive trauma, like carrying groceries in the same single hand and keys in the other every time you go to the grocery store? Or a baby on the same hip?

What about your mental habits? Where’s your head at? What are you consuming through television and social media? How often are you participating in the negative self talk conflict going on between your ears?

Are you in touch with what your body's needs? Do you listen to it when it’s asking for water, motion or rest? Are you able to determine how different foods affect your mood? What goes into your mouth out of routine, convenience and ignorance?

What words are coming out of it because of compulsion?

Where are you with your goals, your successes, your desires and your self worth going into the new year? How are you going to assess what to do to make yourself the best version of you it can be going into 2018?

You don’t have to wait until the new year to start making small changes. If you’re looking for a time to step up and start your best life ever, why not make it now?

I changed my life this last year, I completely altered my diet, I made self care an actual routine and effort. I restored my faith in myself and my abilities to prevail. I’m still really fair from where I’d like to be: healed, at peace and wise. However, I’m much further than I was when I was fighting change instead of embracing it. For me, my new year will hopefully bring further spiritual assessment, connecting with the earth and myself on a mental, physical and emotional level. I want to be my own advocate and friend more. I’d like to be kinder and less exhausted by stress and anxiety. I’m meeting myself where I’m at. Making goals lists and returning to them daily. I’m learning new discipline for study and self habits. I’m reading more and zoning out less. I’m embracing the changes coming and willingly accepting life as it unfolds each moment.

I’d recommend, you get your yourself a mind health read (or listen) on.  Authors like Brene Brown (My sister suggested her) and David Burns (my psychologist recommended), for an adventure in self discovery and emotional healing. Or take advantage of all the free resources on YouTube, Tony Robins, Les Brown, TedX speakers, free Audible options... etc. There's unlimited free resources I'm going to work harder at taking advantage of. 

Succeeding at your goals, whatever size require commitment, small changes, patience, and time. Give yourself those things and you’ll be successful. The snowball effect will help keep your momentum going.

It’s up to you to decide to improve yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Take charge of where your life is going and your body in the new year.

Get your mind right get your body right. Set your habits straight and be your best self. I believe in you.

This apple is eagerly jumping into the new year!

Apple Out 2017,

K. Sullivan

I Let It Fester, Resentment.

I Let It Fester, Resentment.

Resentment is killing me in a slow burn from the core out. It’s deeply seated in my subconscious working the gears to my thought process and decision making. Once I recognized how intimately intertwined with resentment I am, I realized I resent damn near everything […]