Tag: anxiety

Breathing with Anxiety

Breathing with Anxiety

As does the thought of anxiety or even simply breathing. The two are intertwined in an enigmatic dance battle. Am I the only person who has anxiety and asthma? Doubtful. Has anyone had an asthma attack triggered by anxiety? I have.   I recently told […]

Panic Spills Over The Brim

Panic Spills Over The Brim

The feeling is not satiating. I know I have tasks I must complete, but I’m drained of all ability to fully function. Dragging myself through my day is a must. I’m not positive what came first, the anxiety or the IC. Sheer panic engulfs me […]

Just Below The Surface Panic

Just Below The Surface Panic

It’s looming and crawling beneath.

It’s the reason I can feel my arm hairs raise with the goosebumps as they create a braille like story of my anxiousness, tattooed by my own subconscious across my skin. It’s the just below the surface panic I feel in silent moments, or loud ones. Loss of control, I’m on the verge, I attempt to think through every moment of every day before it unfolds. Trepidation is there, I can feel it. I remind myself to breathe. Constantly feeling one wrong step, wrong word, or wrong action away from a catastrophic panic meltdown. The reasons I feel dread echo loudly in my brain incessantly.

Is this a side effect of nagging perfectionism or the inability to see past my own pain? Maybe the agitation on the rise is both some days. How will I survive another minute, another hour, or another day?

It’s the maximum stressed feeling but it’s with me all of the time. There’s never a break. If I don’t think about my breath I hold it as I wait for the other apocalyptic shoe to drop.

I must keep the panic below the surface as though my skin holds back the insane hysteria. Like it’s interwoven and makes up all of me.

In the event I let it spill out, anxiety makes me crazy. I claw at my flesh in attempts to let the panic escape me. In that heightened frenzy I feel trapped inside myself. Tears and nonsensical strings of words flow freely. I collapse. I beat my own legs.

Breath. Breathe. Breath. Breathe. Nothing calms me down in those moments except letting the panic run its course. If these feelings escape they only has so much steam. Trepidation seems to run on fumes for days before the emotional explosion.

Recognizing the distance from my goals is much easier than recognizing the distance I’ve made from my starting point. I know that in the last year I’ve changed. I’ve grown, I’ve improved myself physically and mentally. I spend less time self loathing and more time self advocating. I’m less inclined to please the crowd and more inclined to take care of myself however the panic still exists, buzzing just below the surface. At any moment torturous negativity will spill through my mental veil rubbing my nose in the path I still must travel to achieve my expectations of success.

I’ll endure in my pursuits of mental health and happiness. Even though at times the just below the surface panic feeling is just as relentless, I’ll continue to dance with it through turmoil and fear letting it propel me to be my best self.

One breathe at a time. Inhale the calm. Exhale the panic.

Apple out,

K. Sullivan

Workplace Etiquette

Workplace Etiquette

A new employee at the office sitting right next to me has me questioning office etiquette. What makes others most comfortable? Why am I so uncomfortable? How can I be myself in the midst of constantly meeting someone new in the workplace?   I know […]

Quitting Toxic Influences

Quitting Toxic Influences

As of late, my counselor and I have been speaking about friends and coworkers who seem to be causing me some anxiety when I think about interacting with them. I have to try and explain the anxiety they cause me and why I feel anxious […]

Be You Bad Apple – Work Through It

Be You Bad Apple – Work Through It

Breathe (A Poem)

Breathe 

It’s only one life

You’re living in

Time to human

Up, be your

Own best friend

Pickup your feet

Don’t let them

Drag. You’re a

Wonderful gift

To this earth

Get busy

Get moving

On your

Journey

There’s no

Time to lag.

Breathe, work

Through it

You’ve got

The strength

There’s no

Need to

Wallow in your

disposition

At length.

Believe Breathe

You’re brilliant

With perseverance

You’ll never relent

It’s your life, own

That. Believe in

Yourself don’t

Settle for content.

Reach for the

Sky Breathe.

You’ll touch

those clouds

Let go of inner

Fears and doubts.

Apple Out,

K. Sullivan

Nobody’s Hero

Nobody’s Hero

I was speaking with an old friend the other day and she said I was her hero for taking on so much in my life and still maintaining my cool. I simply shrugged and and just said thanks, but in my head I was thinking, […]