Tag: food

Self Perception Obsession

Self Perception Obsession

I don’t see myself as. I took on fitness training in a functional fitness gym this last year. As a trainer, I gradually became more and more focused on changes I saw and those that I didn’t see fast enough, in my body. I know […]

You Are What You…

You Are What You…

If we listen to this old adage, it raises the question, So what are you? Tacos? Cheeseburgers? Veggies? Donuts? Self hate? Attempting perfectionism? On a cellular level you really are how you’re nourished. If you’re feeding your cells sugar, GMO, pesticides…you’re toxic, sluggish, and weighed […]

Pain As A Catalyst

Pain As A Catalyst

It’s easy to become stuck in our ways.

As humans we easily become creatures of habit, comfort and denial. How do you teach an old dog new tricks?

With people, I have found that one catalyst can be pain. Pain settling into your body can force change out of necessity. Discomfort will move you out of your comfort zone and into seeking solutions. Some of us seek to just numb the pain, but those of us that use pain as a launching point for change, receive growth and so much more.

That was me.

I was perfectly content living a life of debauchery, lush indulgence, and unrealized shame. I spent the first couple years of my interstitial cystitis diagnosis repeatedly asking, why me? How did this happen? I was truly ashamed of my state and experiences; however, through my own journey through pain (one I’m still in the middle of) I’ve found purpose and self growth.

It took entire body,  systemic, chronic pain to propel me to change my life for the better. However bitter, resentful or loathsome I’ve felt at times, I’m grateful for my IC diagnosis and chronic pain journey.

Pain drove me to find something called The Rossiter System. A company in Fort Collins, Rocky Mountain Recovery, altered my life for the better by helping me find ways to naturally and permanently change my pain and ultimately led me to a career change that allows me to help guide other people out of pain of their own.

I have never wanted to feel numb to the experiences life has to offer. I want to feel the full scale of emotions. Medication always takes that possibility away; with its numbing, dulling effects I end up feeling like a shell of who I could be. I’ve always wanted healing to be natural, but I had no idea how far from natural my lifestyle was until I started pursuing a truly natural healing path, using assistance from experts at Zen Functional Wellness and Rocky Mountain Natural Health - alongside those at StraightLine Fitness Studio and Banner Health Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy

I spent 9 years before receiving  the diagnosis, studying broadcast journalism while working full time in technical support. My reason for pursuing a college degree was to obtain credibility to seek and disseminate truth. What’s more true than natural health and healing?

During my stint in college, I  gained approximately 100 lbs in weight. At age 18 I was a 130lb varsity soccer athlete; by age 25 I was a 220lb desk jockey. I started exercising and dropped energy drinks, but  it wasn’t enough to make a lasting impact. When I was injured, I gained over 20lbs in one month by not remaining active and continuing to live an unhealthy food lifestyle for my body’s specific needs. It took years of trying new things to really be on the right path towards balance of my microbiome to restore normalcy to my digestive system. A side effect of healthy lifestyle changes in diet and gut care was I lost a ton of weight. Now at the onset of age 30, I’m back to a healthy 130lbs. I eat (maybe more than I should at times), but it’s clean eating. I know I’ve got work to do still, but I’m no longer afraid or hesitant to make changes and learn my body’s needs.

After college I felt lost, stuck at a dead end job with a degree but minimal experience in any field that would relate. All of my experience was customer service oriented. I caught up on my Netflix shows! I had time to research and obsess about my disease, but I didn’t feel I had growth potential. I realize now, having goals, and seeing progress helps keep my happiness up .

For the past 5 years I’d been wishing for a job that would allow me to live a more active lifestyle, while continuing to write. You see, working customer service or clerical roles while finishing college to make ends meet, I was always in pain at the end of a 10 hour desk day. It had me further from my writing goals, not closer.Without the career swap to a body worker, I would have continually capped my knowledge and become burned out in a position. I have a vision of a 2 fold life: that of a body worker, actively participating in truth dissemination on an intimate 1 on 1 level; while writing my discoveries, pursuing writing in various forms and avenues. Here at the cusp of the  future I’ve dreamed about, I only have my chronic pain journey to thank. In wanting to naturally heal myself, I’ve found ways to help others down similar paths. I see a never ending journey of helping others, finding new ways to heal people naturally riddled with frustration, challenges, and obstacles, but in the end bringing me peace, growth and much needed change.

Nothing in life is stagnant. Not this moment, not your situation, not relationships, not one thing. Embracing growth and change would have been a much longer journey without life forcing me to take on something heavy,real, and painful.

To top it off, I know who my real friends are and I have a strong support system that believes in me. One of the biggest challenges with receiving this diagnosis and starting to change my life for the better, was how many people left along the way. My circles shifted. I know who can listen to me when I need to vent. I know who I can rely on and my limits for extending myself. I have love, support and companions I believe will be friends for life. Without any of these challenges I may not value my relationships as much. I’m surrounded by uplifting, honest, inspiring, grateful, excited to be alive people. I’ve also met the man I’d like to spend my life with. His patience through this experience has been wonderful. I’ve seen others with similar issues fighting about this with their lovers. At times we’ve fought because he can’t fix me and I felt burdensome, but we persevered, loved through it and chose each others’ best interests. HE’s changed diets, lifestyles and hobbies all to help support me. I trust him for life because of these experiences. I know our love is real because of the painful work we put into each other and getting me better, day by day, bit by bit.

I feel growth in my wisdom, I feel I understand more truth about the food industry, how we as a society got here not just me as a person. I see a veil lifting, showing me a clean, simple existence of bodywork, truth and literature, never ending education, growth and change.

Don’t be stuck in your moment or caught up on someone else’s path. Focus on yourself, your journey and your own goals. Let discomfort or pain be your catalyst for growth and change, watch your life transform.

Perseverance apples, I believe in you.

Apple out,

K. Sullivan

Just One Little Bite

Just One Little Bite

 “Just one little bite.” This phrase is often forcefully injected into conversation when I politely decline trying someone’s carefully crafted kitchen creation. I promise it’s not your food, it’s my gut, but you don’t seem to be buying that as a legitimate reason to decline […]

An Attempt to Heal Through Food

An Attempt to Heal Through Food

Interstitial Cystitis -an autoimmune xxperience, I flare, pelvic floor tension, low back and hip pain – all engulf my body much more frequently than I’d like. Some days I am able to manage symptoms, but at other times they are terribly unbearable. Sensations  to the […]

I Eat My Anxiety

I Eat My Anxiety

Avoidance. Dopamine.

Pleasure amplified, and pain dulled, all with hand to mouth action. The step I take to procrastinate and feel good about doing so  is eating. Stuffing my face until I’m painfully stuffed. Filled and overflowing with food to the point where only sleep or vomit could possibly alleviate the excruciating stretch of my stomach lining. I feel the expansion of my midsection with inflammation as my insides work overtime to undo the damage I shove in my gullet.

I see this as an unconscious attempt to keep the anxiety at bay. I want to have will power. It’s a battle I have too frequently with myself. There’s so many ways I’ve been able to exhibit control. I’ve changed my diet on many occasions seeking what adequate nourishes me however even with foods I can eat I over indulge in those “once in a while” options. I long for the dopamine rush of sweet food.

Anxious overeating it's what I do when there's someplace I need to be but don't want to be. It's what I do when I'm so overwhelmed and overstimulated by my never ending list of “things to do.” When I can't even see straight because the stress and obligations are too much, I eat. It’s my addiction. It’s fruit. It’s meat. It’s the desire for cheese (which I’m currently not eating any kind of) so I eat anything I can. It’s wanting bread, finding gluten free dairy free alternatives and eating all of what I make as soon as it’s made. It’s a day of behaving and a night of over indulging. It's what I do to satiate my fears. I overeat. It's what I do when I don't know what to do, when I'm bored, when I'm exhausted, and when I want to feel numb. I put food in my mouth until I'm uncomfortable, until it hurts, until it feels like I'm going to explode- why do I do this?

I see acknowledging that I have what I perceive as lack of control as an obsessive thought as the beginning to the end of my overeating issue. I know I have thousands of years of genes working against me as my ancestors would have no choice but to eat as much as they can whenever food was available. I’m not starving. I do sometimes feel deprived though because I grew up eating overly processed sugar filled addicting foods I can no longer eat. There’s turmoil between the indulgent person I used to be and the me now who is working on control, health and good habits.

Here and now I know that going forward with my goals of control and true understanding of my body’s nutritional needs won’t be easy. I know I’ll have to process the emotions I stuff back into my body with food. I’m ready to take this next step, clear my mind of the guilt associated with causing myself pain every,  time I binge.

I will be successful.

It will require determination and the will power, I question. I must replace my bad habit, overeating when nervous, anxious bored or upset with a more productive resolution. Instead I’ll attempt to open a dialect with myself. If I know i just ate I’ll ask, am I thirsty (if this is even a question I can ask I’ll drink a big glass of water and walk away from the kitchen)? Am I emotional? Am I truly hungry? I’ll attempt to distract myself with one small to do (like laundry or cleaning the bathroom) and one small I want to do (something on my list but for pleasure, like reading for fun or yoga). Hopefully this game plan will help me tackle the tendency to eat my anxiety.

 

Be honest with yourselves about where you struggle apples. Don’t let your fears be holding you back from your desires. I believe in you.

 

Apple out,

K. Sullivan

Mandatory Sentence: Gluten Free

Mandatory Sentence: Gluten Free

I have been diagnosed a suspected celiacs. Suspected sounds peculiar but I refused To be subjected to being the subject of Further testing. My mother cannot imbibe, It makes me regurgitate the protein. I’ll choose To believe I’m positive in my diagnosis, purely Due to […]