Tag: mindful

Stress: What It Does To You

Stress: What It Does To You

I thought I had it under control. I didn’t think I was letting it take over my body or my life. Turns out I was stifling and stuffing all along. Stress will kill you much faster than you’d choose to die. I see it in […]

Self Perception Obsession

Self Perception Obsession

I don’t see myself as. I took on fitness training in a functional fitness gym this last year. As a trainer, I gradually became more and more focused on changes I saw and those that I didn’t see fast enough, in my body. I know […]

The Narrator Challenge

The Narrator Challenge

I continue in my attempts to grasp this mindfulness concept.

 The notion started after I’d read the ever popular Secret by Rhonda Byrne several years back. I’d been struggling to integrate the concepts but failed to recognize some secret brain switch that flipped on the concept of your thoughts really manifesting your future. There was a piece missing to the puzzle for me. Like the on light wouldn’t flick up to light the “how to” part of controlling your emotions and taking back your life.

I’ve been listening to speakers like Tony Robbins, Eric Nightengale, and others found on various youtube channels. Brene Brown, Mel Robbins, Rachel Hollis, Gretchen Rubin and the like float into my ears through audio books when I remember to listen. I want to believe the motivational messages pulsing through my ear drums. I want my brain to be a sponge that can soak up the energy, the knowledge,  and rewire my beliefs - the ones these individuals wished to instill. I want to change myself at my core, eradicating self doubt and negative self talk.

I’ve been depressed. More often than otherwise I still am. I’m battling a painful, chronic disease. I need an exit from a masterfully growing amount of debt. How do you make this Law of Attraction work? It should be simple right? The motivational speaker types make it sound simple yet somewhere in enacting the process I get jumbled. Change your thoughts, control your emotions, change your life. This law seems like the kind made for those with sheer will.

Mindfulness and manifestation are the up and coming modality for relieving mental stress. They are preached about in modern society as a ticket to happiness. Be in the present moment. Forget the past and let the future unfold before you. What most outlets don’t give readers or listeners is the instruction manual to turn these concepts on. You’re left figuring out on your own how to put these ideals into fruition in your own life.

I’m stuck in this “Head versus Heart” mentality.

There’s a rational side of me and an emotional side. They collide. They have contrasting expectations. They leave me rather confused in the middle. How can I ever believe my heart telling me I’ll be wonderful and successful when there’s still doubt lingering in the head version of myself.

What these motivational, mindfulness, manifestation experts failed to tell you is that there’s no controlling your emotions - there’s processing healthily. There’s not changing your thoughts; there’s conditioning to replace them with better ones. Transformation is a grueling, time consuming process.

There are outlets out there that can teach you different forms of meditation, some are focused on mindfulness, but meditation is and in depth process. There’s a variety of styles or ways to meditate. The idea at its basis is to destress from the constant bombarding existence we’re in and come in tune with your goals, yourself, you. I want to take it a step further to encourage you to manifest who you want to be and how you want to live.

An idea occurred to me as I listened to the inner monologue and the argument between my “head” and “heart.” I’m a writer. Why wouldn’t I just write my own present, my own future as I’d like to see it. I can narrate who I am along the way as well as who I want to be. Instead of berating myself when I make mistakes I can turn them into character quarks to make my leading lady more like-able and human. I can write each day in my head as it unfolds. I can write out who I want to be in the future. I have the power to choose. The light of understanding ignited like a match to gasoline.

You get to choose the role you play today or any day.

I challenge you to become your own narrator.

Write your own story!


Apple Out,

K. Sullivan

Find what works for you. Do your own research. I know ugh, but only you can decide what helps you get your own head space right!

To further delve into what Mindfulness is all about I’d recommend looking up some resources. There’s loads of mindfulness, autogenic training and other types of meditation videos on youtube. Give yourself the gift of getting to know yourself, your needs, and your desires for this life. Don’t live with regret and it’s never too late to start. It’s never too late to change. It’s never too late.




Bayda, E. (2011). Beyond happiness: the Zen way to true contentment. Boston, MA: Shambhala.

Byrne, R. (2016). The secret. New York: Atria Books.

Harris, R. (2011). The confidence gap: a guide to overcoming fear and self-doubt. Boston:


Lamott, Anne. Small victories: spotting improbable moments of grace. Riverhead Books, a

member of Penguin Group (USA), 2014.

TEDTalks: Tony Robbins--Why We Do What We Do, and How We Can Do It Better[Video file].


A Guide for Mindfulness

A Guide for Mindfulness

Take a deep breath and enjoy your brookside seat. Let the reflection run through you freely like a stream. There are small pools and slant angles in your mind to retreat. Set thoughts free to flow with the drifting by leaves. Let the reflection run […]