Tag: body health

What’s Unnecessary?

What’s Unnecessary?

What do I mean by that? I mean removing items from my life that no longer serve me.  Whether my body is telling me that a food or beauty product item is no longer meant for me – through a negative reaction or symptom; such […]

Living Clean

Living Clean

You could ask almost any dietitians, nutritionists, naturopaths, urologists, doctors, and other holistic  healers what their number one recommendation would be for combating any auto-immune disease and most would recommend a clean lifestyle to optimize health. By that I mean eating fruits, veggies and meats […]

Stress: What It Does To You

Stress: What It Does To You

Stress can be the catalyst that breaks you. How do you check yours? 

I thought I had it under control. I didn’t think I was letting it take over my body or my life. Turns out I was stifling and stuffing all along.

Stress will kill you much faster than you’d choose to die.

I see it in my work and in myself. July of 2018 was hell for me. My significant other was out of town and our home had an infestation of bed bugs. I didn’t cry or have a melt down; I did however crash with a weird visual migraine half blind, half aching, that numbed my entire left arm - it lasted 24 hours.

There are always physical implications of unchecked stress. 

Seeking a source of chronic pain in the body can be like sifting through sand looking for a flawed grain. How do you know what the problem causers are? Is it habits? Repetitive motion? Injury? Illness? Food? Lifestyle choices? Relationships? Not having boundaries?

It’s all of the above and more. It’s Stress. The hormones that are released into our systems in times of high stress can help us overcome it, in acute situations.  Chronic stress has physical implications on the body. It can affect the body systematically and bring with it havoc and mayhem in the form of discomfort or pain. It’s a tool that if left unchecked can create a toxic reaction. At the wrong time with too much stress it can change your chemistry, for our tiny humans - this can be detrimental to their growth but for those of us who are grown, it can leave you in a place of chronic pain or diseases.

For me, anxiety builds stress, and vice versa. I've spent years stuck in a cycle of stress that I'm finally working towards breaking.

How I combat Stress and Anxiety: 

  • Self care is important. I act like my own parent(which can lead to arguing with myself), if I would want my spouse or child to behave in a certain way, that is exactly how I tell myself to do something. I focus on building good habits and the long term reward over instant gratification.
  • Goal setting, I stick with priorities and adjust as needed. It’s always a challenge to hold myself accountable. Maybe it is strong will power, but I believe that to be a limited resource. It’s more about revisiting the goal and keeping it top of mind. I allow myself to want it more than I'm scared of it so it's a driving factor not an inhibitor.
  • Breathing; we all need air! Breath in long, deep diaphragmatic breaths daily. Hold breath for a few seconds, ¼ length of the inhale, then exhale twice the length of the inhale. I know I need to work on this more, because oxygen is necessary; however, sometimes breathing brings awareness to an area that needs work and that can be frustrating. There's lots of breath work options available. Try out priming (it's helping me overcome anxiety surrounding exercise).
  • Acupuncture, acupressure, massage, Rossiter stretching, Yamuna body rolling, functional fitness training, bodywork, tension release, fascia management, infrared sauna, detox bathing, journaling...(ect).  These tools are not used daily, but as often as I can remember to use them depending on where I’m at in my cycle, my autoimmune flares, and my mental state.
  • Meditation - to adjust the mental state and not just mindfulness, find the type that works for you. I like autogenic training because to me it works like self hypnosis, where I found myself fighting, judging, and loathing mindfulness or breathing meditation, something about autogenic seems to work best for my mind. I also focus on thought fasting, what's one thought or belief I'd like to instill, I set a timer and continue to bring my awareness to that one thing for a short duration, 5-10 minutes.
  • Exercise - though difficult with chronic pain or mental barriers, still doable. Try something new until you find something you like and believe you can be successful at. Find a trainer to check into your body and form. I am a fitness trainer and yet I still have a professional train me on functional movement. I’d encourage everyone to try functional training as it’s injury prevention. I built up core strength and stability using foam rolling actively. Yamuna body rolling allows me to stretch like yoga while participating in weight bearing exercise.  Running had to go because it had a negative impact on my pelvic floor, my gait and my joints but walking is magic.
  • Realistic to do lists and expectations. SMART goal setting is crucial. Time blocking is necessary. This one is the most challenging. I try to meet myself where I’m at. Meaning, if it’s a high pain day, the bare minimum for survival is necessary. Know you’re not where you want to be and that’s okay. Everything in life is a practice and any task you take on doesn’t get easier, you get better at it with continual practice and time. If you maintain a beginner's mindset and choose the life of a learner there’s always answers to seek, solutions available and avenues unexplored. Stress is inevitable, how you cope and react can change.
  • I'm also working on cultivating a better spiritual practice. For me that means finding people to discuss my concerns and ideas with as well as reading literature that supports my pursuits for head space and a religious purpose.


Growth is hard, and effort doesn’t come easy.

I always believe in each human and their potential.

Love yourselves.


Apple out,

K. Sullivan



The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity

by Burke Harris, Nadine




My Mom always told me, “Normal is just a setting on a washing machine.” I’m not crazy, though at times I feel out of my mind.   That doesn’t mean the experiences I’m having aren’t common in other people too. I have spent the past year […]

Facing Fears Seeking Solutions

Facing Fears Seeking Solutions

I know that much to be true. The problem is, I’m afraid and stuck. Stagnant in my fear of what does this mean as I analyze each human body experience I am having and question what’s “normal” and what’s “healthy” and what’s “best for my […]

Pain As A Catalyst

Pain As A Catalyst

It’s easy to become stuck in our ways.

As humans we easily become creatures of habit, comfort and denial. How do you teach an old dog new tricks?

With people, I have found that one catalyst can be pain. Pain settling into your body can force change out of necessity. Discomfort will move you out of your comfort zone and into seeking solutions. Some of us seek to just numb the pain, but those of us that use pain as a launching point for change, receive growth and so much more.

That was me.

I was perfectly content living a life of debauchery, lush indulgence, and unrealized shame. I spent the first couple years of my interstitial cystitis diagnosis repeatedly asking, why me? How did this happen? I was truly ashamed of my state and experiences; however, through my own journey through pain (one I’m still in the middle of) I’ve found purpose and self growth.

It took entire body,  systemic, chronic pain to propel me to change my life for the better. However bitter, resentful or loathsome I’ve felt at times, I’m grateful for my IC diagnosis and chronic pain journey.

Pain drove me to find something called The Rossiter System. A company in Fort Collins, Rocky Mountain Recovery, altered my life for the better by helping me find ways to naturally and permanently change my pain and ultimately led me to a career change that allows me to help guide other people out of pain of their own.

I have never wanted to feel numb to the experiences life has to offer. I want to feel the full scale of emotions. Medication always takes that possibility away; with its numbing, dulling effects I end up feeling like a shell of who I could be. I’ve always wanted healing to be natural, but I had no idea how far from natural my lifestyle was until I started pursuing a truly natural healing path, using assistance from experts at Zen Functional Wellness and Rocky Mountain Natural Health - alongside those at StraightLine Fitness Studio and Banner Health Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy

I spent 9 years before receiving  the diagnosis, studying broadcast journalism while working full time in technical support. My reason for pursuing a college degree was to obtain credibility to seek and disseminate truth. What’s more true than natural health and healing?

During my stint in college, I  gained approximately 100 lbs in weight. At age 18 I was a 130lb varsity soccer athlete; by age 25 I was a 220lb desk jockey. I started exercising and dropped energy drinks, but  it wasn’t enough to make a lasting impact. When I was injured, I gained over 20lbs in one month by not remaining active and continuing to live an unhealthy food lifestyle for my body’s specific needs. It took years of trying new things to really be on the right path towards balance of my microbiome to restore normalcy to my digestive system. A side effect of healthy lifestyle changes in diet and gut care was I lost a ton of weight. Now at the onset of age 30, I’m back to a healthy 130lbs. I eat (maybe more than I should at times), but it’s clean eating. I know I’ve got work to do still, but I’m no longer afraid or hesitant to make changes and learn my body’s needs.

After college I felt lost, stuck at a dead end job with a degree but minimal experience in any field that would relate. All of my experience was customer service oriented. I caught up on my Netflix shows! I had time to research and obsess about my disease, but I didn’t feel I had growth potential. I realize now, having goals, and seeing progress helps keep my happiness up .

For the past 5 years I’d been wishing for a job that would allow me to live a more active lifestyle, while continuing to write. You see, working customer service or clerical roles while finishing college to make ends meet, I was always in pain at the end of a 10 hour desk day. It had me further from my writing goals, not closer.Without the career swap to a body worker, I would have continually capped my knowledge and become burned out in a position. I have a vision of a 2 fold life: that of a body worker, actively participating in truth dissemination on an intimate 1 on 1 level; while writing my discoveries, pursuing writing in various forms and avenues. Here at the cusp of the  future I’ve dreamed about, I only have my chronic pain journey to thank. In wanting to naturally heal myself, I’ve found ways to help others down similar paths. I see a never ending journey of helping others, finding new ways to heal people naturally riddled with frustration, challenges, and obstacles, but in the end bringing me peace, growth and much needed change.

Nothing in life is stagnant. Not this moment, not your situation, not relationships, not one thing. Embracing growth and change would have been a much longer journey without life forcing me to take on something heavy,real, and painful.

To top it off, I know who my real friends are and I have a strong support system that believes in me. One of the biggest challenges with receiving this diagnosis and starting to change my life for the better, was how many people left along the way. My circles shifted. I know who can listen to me when I need to vent. I know who I can rely on and my limits for extending myself. I have love, support and companions I believe will be friends for life. Without any of these challenges I may not value my relationships as much. I’m surrounded by uplifting, honest, inspiring, grateful, excited to be alive people. I’ve also met the man I’d like to spend my life with. His patience through this experience has been wonderful. I’ve seen others with similar issues fighting about this with their lovers. At times we’ve fought because he can’t fix me and I felt burdensome, but we persevered, loved through it and chose each others’ best interests. HE’s changed diets, lifestyles and hobbies all to help support me. I trust him for life because of these experiences. I know our love is real because of the painful work we put into each other and getting me better, day by day, bit by bit.

I feel growth in my wisdom, I feel I understand more truth about the food industry, how we as a society got here not just me as a person. I see a veil lifting, showing me a clean, simple existence of bodywork, truth and literature, never ending education, growth and change.

Don’t be stuck in your moment or caught up on someone else’s path. Focus on yourself, your journey and your own goals. Let discomfort or pain be your catalyst for growth and change, watch your life transform.

Perseverance apples, I believe in you.

Apple out,

K. Sullivan

It’s OKAY to say NO!

It’s OKAY to say NO!

I used excuses because I couldn’t bare the truth of “I really needed a night to focus on me, my home, my goals and my health.” I knew I needed self care and a break – from people, from work, from endless to-do lists. I […]

A Day In Hell

A Day In Hell

A stream of intense emotions hits me at once ranging from complete self loathing, disgust with my body, fear of my continued suffering experience – to guilt, despair, and shame about how useless I believe myself to be. Some mornings I wake up with blinding […]

I Let It Fester, Resentment.

I Let It Fester, Resentment.

Resentment is killing me in a slow burn from the core out. It’s deeply seated in my subconscious working the gears to my thought process and decision making. Once I recognized how intimately intertwined with resentment I am, I realized I resent damn near everything and everyone - including me.

I know I’ve got to focus on letting go of this festering emotion. That journey seems excruciating and long. I have tools, I’m using them to the best of my ability while maintaining a busy life and heavily pursuing high stress goals. I’ve adapted a self care routine as chronic pain maintenance - but I still feel the resentment. When I see other people wasting their perfectly healthy lives away, I feel resentful. When people talk about food or I dine out with others I am the embodiment of envy, jealousy, and resentment.

I don’t want to throw a pity party, but sometimes being angry and holding onto my resentful feelings is more empowering than actually accepting where I’m at and what I need.

The reasons I could hold onto resentment are copious. Abandonment. Addiction. Sarcasm at my expense. Being a low priority for myself and others. Perfection. Appearances. Food. Health. Optimism. Intelligence. Attitudes. Beliefs. Expectations unmet and so on. I recognize how full I am with resentment.


I Let It Fester

I’m made up of resentment.

I didn’t realize previously

It’s not my discontent, which

Is meant to cover up the truth

Of what I feel. I am overflowing

with resentment. Tortured

turmoil, my tormented reality,

Unrecognizably surreal.


My indignation wasn't enough

Showing me your malice I had

No inkling of rebuff, displayed

My bleeding self on my sleeve,

Begged you for kindness

Begged you not to leave

Begged you for reprieve

All I perceive now is my



I’m disgraced by your offense

You’re vexing, a sour lemon peel.

I can’t eradicate your

taste. A sting deeply

Ingrained. Stuff cotton in

My face, silence my needs.

Pour your Insanity

into the cuts  where

you carved your name.

Suffocate me with resentment.


I can’t let go of this affront

My life is not a game.

Bitterness engulfs my mouth

Your dandelion words are blown

Into me to spread their seed.

Like hot bile seeping down my throat as

I repeat your choice of words.

They irritate all my sense of self worth.

I resent what you made me believe.

Taking advantage of my naive,



I believed I was broken, your

Outlandish in creative cruelty.

I will hold this grudge forever

I won’t forget, can’t forgive all

The ways you’ve treated me,

I resent it. I cling onto this

Grudge with animosity.



At least I was filled with resentment. I know and truly believe our emotional experiences live within our body and manifest in ways I don’t fully understand. Holding onto resentment gave me an illusion of comfort but I’m ready and willing to work through it, get past it. I need to let these resentful feelings leave me. I need a new state of subconscious thought.

I refuse to start another year with a heart full of loathing and self disdain. I no longer want to feel envy or jealousy when someone else eats something that’s on my restricted list resenting them for weeks afterwards. I want to feel at peace with where I’m at in my journey and have faith in where it’s taking me. I want to forgive anyone I feel resentment for  from my recent or distant past. I believe that this part of my life’s path was necessary. I had to learn to let go and how to move forward with clear, calm repose as my new demeanor.

I'm starting this year with self-love. I will be my own friend, advocate and life coach. I intend to print this, burn the copy and give my resentment to the universe. I’m asking the universe to replace the resentment that fills my body with peace and tranquility. (Thanks to my psychologist for the suggestion.)

I understand that each individual is carrying their own burden, and theirs weighs just as heavily for them as mine does for me. Together we can help uplift, grow and be the best versions of ourselves we can be.  

I know in part, I am struggling with resenting myself. I feel I can only blame the me I was for the who I am now, but I don’t want to blame me or resent myself anymore. I’m grateful for the me I’m becoming and the challenges that drive me to be better. I only have past K to thank for getting me here. I’m more enlightened having taken this resentment eradication journey.

It will take continuous effort and time. I must acknowledge, label and process what’s eating at my core. I must also be willing to let it go, set it free and be willing to replace it with whatever goodness I’d like my life to include.

With more attention to self and willingness to process I can address questions like: What might go wrong if I let go of resentment? Why do I resent myself? What’s the cost of holding onto resentment?

I’ll ask myself what truth’s I might not have shared, what truths I need to share and what’s the truths I need. I’ll try to set realistic expectations forth for myself and others. I communicate my expectations clearly. I’ll work towards a positive outlook. I’ll seek lessons in every obstacle and try to treat any outcomes as learning lessons.

It will take time, resilience and effort to process all the emotions tied up with how resentful I’ve felt. Resentment runs intrinsically through me and pulling it out one thread at a time will be costly. I’m ready to accept the price and put in the mandatory effort to see my ideal self come to fruition. I’m on a quest, I’m trying to become the best version of myself. Through active thinking and analyzing versus internalizing and stifling I know I’ll be able to change my emotional state for the better.


Apple Out, 

K. Sullivan